she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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