Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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