we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
