garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
id be glad to
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
