Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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