sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
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