The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
