Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
