My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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