she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
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Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
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he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.