Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It happened again.
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.