Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?