Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.