it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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