If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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