I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
