what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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