Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
