She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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