i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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