Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
