I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
