you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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