Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize