I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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