the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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