her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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