It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The power of my boobs compel you
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
