So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
