Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
