Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
These tits shall not be calmed
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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