fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
