I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
