Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
