I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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