I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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