I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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