I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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