I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
