Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I did not marry a roomba.
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