I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
