I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My Sexting was not on an AP level
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
