matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
