At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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