I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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