Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
