Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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