Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
