Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
