No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
