Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
