there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
