Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
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