I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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