saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
