we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Oh god it's open bar.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
