Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
In America we eat man semen.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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