i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
