I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
