True but thats because hes a fetus.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
