and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
