There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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