she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I love you.
Bad choice
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