Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
