Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
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In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
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I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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