What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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