So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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